I was totally cranky today when I woke up and just barked at anyone who talked to me. Especially in the afternoon. Didn't have the mood to do anything. Tried doing emaths homework to distract me but apparently my hands keep trembling and my mind was on my phone. When was she going to call me? I kept asking myself that. Whatsapp-ed siaohui and we were both super nervous for the results. When I was bathing, I was also thinking about her calling me. But apparently it didn't happen. It just didn't. Hours went by and still there wasn't any call from tr vicky so we decided to text her. All her replies ended with a :D. I asked her : No calls yet? :( She replied : Ya lo... :D I didn't get why she replied with a smiley behind. I told myself there was still hope. But reality struck me when siaohui said that tr vicky told her that only one of her students got a distinction. Grade 8 girl. I texted tr vicky to double check and yes it was the truth. I told her how sad I was and was on the verge of tears already but she didn't comfort me at all and still ended her texts with a smiley. I was really confused then and was comforting myself by telling myself that maybe she's keeping something from us cos she doesn't seem to be sad over our results. Last year me and siaohui were her only students who got distinction and this year there was only one. So why was she still so happy? That was the thing that I did not understand. Neither did siaohui. So I told myself it's time to give up hope. There wasn't even that 1% chance that I could get a distinction anymore. It was my last chance, last go at it and I blew it. I totally blew it. Friends starting texting and comforting me but apparently all those made me feel worse and I couldn't help but cry. Didn't wanna let my mum see me in that state so I kept going to the toilet. It was when she came and sat beside me and asked me if the results were out then I broke down infront of her. She said that I was siao cos tr vicky said that it really wasn't easy to achieve a distinction in diploma, and that the fact that I already got a distinction last year for my grade 9 was already a very good achievement cos those that took grade 9 this year didn't get a distinction at all. I guess no one will understand. It's easy for them to say all these cos they never even went through this before. It just means so much to me..

Tmrw will be the release of the remaining results as well as the distinction holders prize giving ceremony. Hope that when I receive tr vicky's text, I won't break down again like today. Please. I need a merit. Jona was there comforting me and he said that he had a strong instinct that I will get a merit. And he said that whatever he thinks, it always comes true. That cheered me up a little, but I'm still hoping really hard that I really WILL get a merit like what he said. I don't want just a pass in my final exam.

Learnt something today, never and I mean NEVER expect so much. It will just strike you hard in your face at the end of the day.